brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
