her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
