I will die if light touches me.
i already hear my dad disowning me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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