Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
