I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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