i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
