Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
