bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
