I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
