This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
