i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
