Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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