My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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