So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
