I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize