I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
