If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
