even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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