Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I want to have your abortion
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize