Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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