Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
