she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
