I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
