I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
