you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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