so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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