This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
