There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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