It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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