my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
