I never want to see another naked old woman again.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
