Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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