Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
