I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize