I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
