The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
