As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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