WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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