chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
