after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
