She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
