And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
