I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
