Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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