I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
