Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
