i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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