I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
