I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize