smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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