i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
