honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
