i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize