She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
