some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
