im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize