He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
