She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize