How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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