do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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