I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
