Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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