Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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