That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
