oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
