if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
