were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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